Yoga - Finding Balance between Perfection & Complacency
For some, yoga can be just another theater in a long war with yourself- be it with your body, with your achievements, with your capabilities…When you try to counteract this tendency, you may find that you swing the other way into complacency or even a fear of trying too hard, which results in not trying anything at all. Is it possible to find balance in yogic practice if you're a recovering perfectionist, achiever or have a history of eating disorder or body image issues?
But I thought yoga was about grounded awareness....
Yoga can often be a place where striving and struggle creep in. Though stereotypically we think of practicing yoga as a source of relaxation or balance, it can also be associated with competition and struggle. Images of yogis can exclude diverse bodies and people, leading you to feel inadequate or even triggered into unhealthy eating and physical practices.
Is mainstream western yoga culture encouraging body image issues and competition?
For many, this question is decades old. The current ambience in many more mainstream yoga spaces can reignite negative, comparative, hierarchical or self-critical thinking patterns. Yes, I'm talking to you #yogafit #yogagoals #yogainspiration #insertimbetterthanyou or #imnotgoodenough. (Side note: If you're like me, I strongly discourage even looking at those hashtags. In fact, I'm really debating if I should leave them in this blog, but I don't want to sanitize my opinion or infantilize anyone. That said, please do yourself a favor and avoid if you're feeling like self-compassion or even self-neutrality isn't really in your repetoire lately).
A desire to force ourselves into a more "perfect" alignment (see cringey picture nearby, where I'm actually holding a bluetooth shutter button in one hand while I try to pretend like this pose is pleasurable and not performative) can increase the likelihood of injury, exacerbate existing conditions like high blood pressure, blood clots and hypermobility (to name a few). It can put stress on the nervous and other body systems.
Sometimes, we are even comparing ourselves to ourselves, on a different day or at a different time in our lives. There have been many times when I've actually been jealous or disdainful of myself in my pre-maternal years. Read that one more time - JEALOUS OF MYSELF! That's a far cry from the images of a calm, authentic and empowered yogi that are often conjured up when I revert to my most default network. That discrepancy can even restart the cycle of self-criticism: self-doubt for both not being in the perfect form and alignment and also for not being cool, calm and collected about it.
This mentality is not only reducing a rich well of knowledge to one single expression of a shape or one single type of body or ability set, it is missing the other seven limbs of yoga, which encompass all aspects of life. While yoga is about unity - with ourselves and all existence - comparing (by nature necessitating an other), self-judgement (seeing that we are not like the other and are therefore lacking), unnecessary striving (pushing ourselves into positions and movements that do not correspond to what we currently want or need) actually all facilitate duality. I don't know about you, but one of the main reasons I'm yogaing is to have a few extra glimmers a day of embodiment. Of sweet sweet unity, with my own body, with the present moment, not judging or measuring myself against anyone or me at any time, all while totally sober. Duality has no place in that. Neither does berating myself for experiencing duality.
Perfect Form = Perfect Dissociative Storm
This modern reversal of the true essence of yoga makes it easier to split off from your body. A necessary survival superpower is highjacked to do things that are painful, uncomfortable, possibly traumatic or just not aligned with what you want in the moment. It also makes it easier to become distracted with unattainable ideals and comparison, keeping you from truly embracing the present.
Part of the process of resisting this is tuning in to the here and now of your experience and coming into your body, so that you can begin to have more clarity on what is important and necessary for you. This doesn't mean that yoga needs to be about complacency or can only consist of restful poses, which can often be a natural reaction if you've been giving into the “burn it” mentality - that idea that you have to suffer and strive in order to successfully do yoga or exercise.
Sometimes, you may even be spurred into a scrupulous-like fear of injuring yourself or doing something the “wrong” way, the “dangerous” way, to the point that it is just another shade of alignment-based yoga (fear-based, alignment-based yoga). Yet, if you want to challenge yourself with healthy alignments, movements and shapes for your particular body on that particular day, it can actually help you feel more in yourself and in line with the moment. It can open the door to fully explore a felt sense of your experience in what feels good for you now. TL:DR - You can still delight in a healthy challenge, break a sweat and stretch long and deep, if that's what you actually want and it's not excessive.
How do you know if it's excessive? Are you chasing a stretch? Are you a stretch seeker? Always trying to go deeper, farther than the time before to get a twinge? Or are you just basking in the stretch? Being where you are and feeling for a few moments before plunging into the deepest expression in which you can't actually even breathe normally. Your breath (or the lack thereof) is an amazing indicator. If it feels stuck, restricted or completely blocked, you have likely gone too far. If you're gasping, panting, red, gulping in air - you vinyasaed too hard; your hot yoga was a little too hot; you might have considered taking a constructive rest instead of another chaturanga dandasana. Conversely, if every time you finish yoga you feel spaced out, in a haze, disconnected, overly introspective, extremely emotional, or immediately tired instead of well-rested, you have likely been way too long in a yin shape or overstayed your welcome in a slow, inward, contemplative practice. Balance my friend, balance. It's something I have to work towards every day.
How to Be Active, without Being Mindless
As I mentioned, sometimes you can feel flooded with intense feelings, thoughts or even memories as a result of interoceptive and introspective yogic practices. If this starts happening regularly, you may consider moving or being more active in your practice, yet in a way that is still mindful and safe. But what does that mean?
It could be focusing instead on balance, shifting weight between areas, allowing lighthearted play or an embodied scenario (think wood chopper), or syncing dynamic movements with your breath and maybe even sounds. However, sometimes it is perfectly valid and okay to just not want to be mindful at all. There are plenty of circumstances when this is too overwhelming or even painful. Your body may be trying to protect you with disembodiment or frantic activity. If you suspect this is the case, I would recommend taking a step back, maybe getting in touch with your mental health partner, and coming back to the mat when you feel you may be ready, in order to avoid any mental or physical injury.
The key then becomes understanding your nervous system, developing some somatic intelligence so that you can begin to recognize when you are in this state. It will allow you to at least be aware that you may not completely feel yourself or be in the moment. The competition or baseless “shoulds,” self-expectations and self-criticisms may be helping you to feel safe or worthy, imparting a sense of control or a tactic for distraction. Thankfully, there are other things in the wellness and yoga tool box that could be more useful to you in these states - triage practices so to speak. A go-to for me is sighing, singing, moving my breath through different centers, practicing exteroceptive grounding exercises (5 senses, naming things in ABCs or categories like colors, eye movement practices) or dancing.
Finding Moderation away from Perfection & Complacency
For people recovering from never-good-enough mindsets, negative inner voices, low body image and self-concept, eating disorders or complex trauma, one of the biggest gifts yoga and somatic movement practices can offer is embodiment. Yet the path to being embodied isn't a one-size-fits-all, and it likely isn't even the same for the same person on a different day. What becomes essential then is balance - not all restorative or all dynamic flows, not all calming breathwork or body scans. Instead, the true practice is just noticing. Noticing your body, what you want and need, but also noticing when noticing is too much. The self-awareness and self-respect that come from being able to say, “this is too much for me right now" and actually taking action that honors that is the first step to embodiment, toward balance.
