When I used to think about mindfulness, I had this big, lofty idea in my head. It seemed totally inaccessible unless you had a level of self-control and self-awareness that rivaled a monk's. I thought that it was something which had to be explicitly practiced and often in ways that seemed really traditional, even ascetic (soaked in self-denial or self-punishment).

Mindfulness definitely didn't seem in any way related to savoring or enjoyment. I certainly didn't think it could be comfortable and pleasurable.
In fact, I really envisioned Splinter (yes, I'm talking about the sensei from Ninja Turtles), sitting in a sewer, meditating in a contorted position and not caring about the toxic smells.

You might relate to what I'm saying. What if I told you all of that was total….bullshit?

What Mindfulness Is Not

Let's start out getting one thing clear: Mindfulness ≠ Meditation. I know, I know, it really seems, at least in the current Western cultural representation of the two topics, that they're the same. It's sort of akin to the idea that a rhombus is not a square. While many forms of meditation involve mindfulness, mindfulness in and of itself is not meditation.

This conflation is partially to blame for why so many people shy away from it, and why those who share a one-size-fits-all type of mindfulness can really trigger or send spiraling people with a history of trauma, negative body image or self-concept issues (obviously, if we had no trouble sitting in total stillness and silence with our thoughts, memories, sensations and physicality, we wouldn't be dissociating, panicking…or worse harming ourselves in some way). We'll talk more about that in a bit.

Mindfulness in Plain English

When you research mindfulness, there are a plethora of definitions. A few of my favorites are:

“Mindfulness is deliberately paying full attention to what is happening around you– in your body, heart, and mind. Mindfulness is awareness without criticism or judgment.”

— Jan Chozen Bays

“Mindfulness gives you time. Time gives you choices. Choices, skillfully made, lead to freedom.”

— Bhante Henepola Gunaratana

“Mindfulness can enhance present-moment awareness, increase our self-compassion, and enhance our ability for self-regulation. But mindfulness can also generate problems for people struggling with traumatic stress. When we ask someone with trauma to pay close, sustained attention to their internal experience, we invite them into contact with traumatic stimuli - thoughts, images, memories, and physical sensations that may relate to a traumatic experience.”

— David A. Treleaven

From the last quote, you can see my previous point - that for some, mindfulness, especially in the more common and stereotypical constriction of the term, can be really shitty. In fact, tuning out could be sheltering you from painful sensation, feelings or thoughts. If you're feeling activated, uncomfortable or simply do not want to feel or notice more right now, it's okay to stop reading and table this topic in general. You can bookmark this page, come back to it if and when you feel like it's a good time. If you want to stick around a bit more, keep scrolling, and you can always just ex me out anytime.

Mindfulness, Where to Start?

There are a lot of posts, books, videos and more on what mindfulness is and what it can do. This blog is more about what mindfulness can look like, and I contend that if we want it to, it can look like savoring - every. damn. day.

Let's just take that in for a moment. You could actually be practicing something that seems as aspirational, exalted (philosophically, scientifically, psychologically…) or even as scary as mindfulness by SAVORING ON A REGULAR BASIS. Of course, life can't be all about savoring, and there is a huge distinction between savoring and over-indulgence or imbalanced excess. BUT, one way to start to build your capacity for comfortable mindfulness is doing it in a way that is…comfortable.

Because, again, why the fuck should you be needlessly, unsustainably or even triggeringly uncomfortable? If you can clean your whole house good enough with a cordless, light-weight vacuum, why would you break out the shop vac? It's loud, heavy, and usually smells like mildew, because, let's be real, they say wet/dry, but it never really works out.

Anyway….If, after you've grown your capacity for mindfulness, and you've gotten comfortable with how it feels, you'd like to try mindfulness meditations or other more direct mindfulness exercises, great! If, on the other hand, you're totally content to just keep practicing mindful savoring, that's valid and enough too.

You might chose a middle ground, and eventually decide to practice mindfulness during things that aren't so obviously savory, like neutral tasks that don't disgust or trigger you but that just aren't super awesome (folding the laundry, doing the dishes, waiting in line). Over time, this could lead to you being okay with open awareness while you do things that are even a little unpleasant. For me, a big mindfulness goal is to be okay noticing myself (not going into a tunnel of hypervigilance and shame) while I get dressed - just the thought of it now makes my stomach churn, so there's no reason to push it.

All of this builds your capacity to stay present, in your body, in the actual moment more often (as opposed to in a haze of the past, in a daydream, an urgency spiral or actually just totally disconnected). Of course, I'm going to add here that: turning down your mindful awareness is sometimes very necessary to be effective or get through stressful, triggering or activating situations. In fact, dissociation can be a superpower in times of true overwhelm or trauma.

What would be amazing to cultivate (for me included) is mindful resilience - the ability to be mindful when appropriate or pleasant, and also the ability to not be mindful if that is what best serves us. To have a choice, instead of sometimes unwillingly floating away, feeling like I'm running in sand to stay engaged in a conversation with my daughter. We aren't trying to negate our nervous systems. We're trying to tone them.

What Are Some Mindfulness Practices for Savoring?

Mindful savoring in daily life can be explored in a variety of ways. You could look at morning, afternoon, evening. You could categorize types of savoring physical, emotional, mental, relational/social and spiritual (note that you can cover more than one of these at a time). You could think of quick wins or big, more time consuming, expensive or involved, acts. These can subsequently be expounded upon infinitely, according to your unique day, life, interests and preferences.

It's important to clarify that spiritual is not the same as religious, though if that is your preference, religion could qualify here. Mindfulness in and of itself can be profoundly spiritual. This category also involves types of meditation, some styles of yoga, philanthropic activities, engaging in creativity like drawing or playing an instrument and connecting with the natural world including animals. Being outside or being around plants and animals, in a park or even gazing out a window and really noticing are excellent ways to add a dose of pleasurable mindfulness to your day.

You can access mindful savoring on a regular basis by committing to simply noticing, being open and aware during daily tasks and activities, even for just a few moments. It can start of with just 5 seconds of really observing. It's often easier to start observing immediate external aspects of the experiences with your senses, before going internally or moving out your external awareness to encompass a greater radius of sounds, sights, etc. For instance, for five seconds, you could observe a couch or a chair, a plant, a sidewalk, the clouds today. The list is endless.

You could consider the attitude with which you approach routine tasks - like washing your hair, having your first cup of whatever in the morning, being outside, looking at the world and nature around you, seeing someone you care about, eating (if not problematic because of your history). For me, it is often easier to try these earlier in the day, because all the things that happen cloud my perception and clarity.

Can you chose one thing that isn't triggering or uncomfortable? Relationally, how do you approach those you love first thing? Do you take a moment to hold your child's hands and look them in the eye, or do you rush to give them their food and get them out the door? Do you pet your dog and bask in the kisses, or do you brush them aside and to get to work. In reality, these small acts can take less than even a minute, but they can make a huge difference in starting your morning mindfully, pleasurably, moving away from over-activation (sometimes instigated by a waking adrenaline hit).

Does the first thing you consume each day bring you joy? This can be water, a newspaper, social media scroll, your morning view (anywhere from your ceiling, bedside table or, if you're lucky, a window), the feel of the floor on your feet. Is it a quickly guzzled too hot cup of coffee or is it a warm nourishing drink, be it coffee or not? Is it a piece of fruit or toast gobbled up with no thought to the point where you may have hiccups or even stain your clothes and then stress about that too? Or is it taking a few instances to have mindful bites, really tasting the different flavors, feeling the sensation of the food in your mouth, chewing it so you can easily swallow (not the same as obsessive chewing!!) and savoring those aftertastes?**

How can you make your daily activities, your physical sensations, about enjoyment, pleasure and effort that have a positive impact? In order to do this, it helps to take a moment to reflect and discover savory activities that you can feasibly tap in to on a daily basis - activities that don't require too much set up, that you may already be doing, that you could just approach with a different mindset or tweak a bit to make more pleasurable, or things that you truly want or need to do, that you just have to carve out time for.

**ATTN: For someone with a a disordered eating past, low body image or dissociation, food, the body and self-care can feel really scary or totally unattainable. If you've had enough for now, just close this window. Remember, why should you be unnecessarily uncomfortable? If chewing has been a part of a past recovered ED, please consider if trying mindful chewing is safe for you. If you have an active or recent ED history, please approach mindful eating with caution and after you have begun recovery, have support and approval from a mental/physical care team, if relevant. If you feel triggered by eating lately, please prioritize what is comfortable and beneficial for you.

Mindfulness Challenges - Unnecessary Striving & Manufactured Urgency

Unnecessary striving and struggle can sometimes overtake your days, becoming almost like a modus operandi. This can show up as regularly setting unrealistic expectations for your daily schedule and timeframes for goals you care about. This is in essence setting yourself up to fail or burnout. But is the mental/physical/emotional/relational/spiritual effort you put in worth the outcome or impact?

Some examples of unnecessary striving in daily life include the way you approach things you have to do - are you put them off and then have to rush through them haphazardly? What about while you bathe? Do you enjoy the feel of the soap on your skin or the taste of your toothpaste, or is it something you begrudgingly get through? Have you even thought about if you like them? Do you like the smell of your lotion? Taking the time to choose affordable personal care products that spark a moment of ahhh is one really easy way to bring pleasure into life.

Are there unnecessary shoulds that distract you from possibly pleasurable moments - as in I should have a complete face of makeup before I drop my daughter off at school or I should eat this really fast so that I can get to the gym and workout all during my lunch hour or I should run to the store right after work to see if they have those new shoes I need for my upcoming event.

You may feel resistance or even anxiety in seeking ways to alleviate unnecessary or disembodied urgency and the resulting shame cycle if you don't give in to it - because part of you thinks that whatever tasks you’re assigning yourself or just your general pace are necessary to keep you safe from threat, ramping up your sympathetic nervous system, also known as your stress response. This urgency and the resulting shame cycle can be fueled by an inner critic filled with shoulds, black and white thinking and catastrophizing, which all lead to anxiety and general physical, mental and emotional dis-ease. It can be the result of past experiences in which urgency, perfection or achieving were a way to keep you safe from perceived threat. This can lead to a desire to appease others (for fear of saying no or disappointing them) or to have external validation so that you can feel worthy and safe. All of these are common responses to overwhelm or fear.

When Mindfulness Is Too Much

It's important to mention that a sense of urgency, shame and a harsh inner critic can all be the result of complex trauma. They can be prevalent in those with a history of eating disorders or body dysmorphia too. Because of this, be gentle with yourself as you try to move away from unnecessary or even harmful urgency and expectations. Keep your mental health partner aware that you are curious about exploring mindfulness and reducing unnecessary striving, shoulds and other behaviors related to these mindsets. They can support you or perhaps advise that it's not the best point in your recovery to take this on. You can also discuss any resistance you're feeling with them. That's okay too. Keep in mind that criticizing yourself for criticizing yourself is not the goal here!

Yoga Philosophy & Mindful Savoring

In terms of yoga philosophy, one way humans are conceptualized is via the kosha model. Koshas are illustrated as different layers or sheaths of a person. There is the physical layer, the energy/breath layer, the mental and emotional layer, the knowledge or wisdom layer and deep within, at our core, there is the bliss layer. When building mindfulness in your daily life, you can seek to access this personal bliss as often as you can in a day (without taking away from responsibilities that you actually have to do - like feeding your dog, picking up your nephew from school or going to work so you have money to live).

Another key factor in making this feasible is creating space for these mindful moments. Part of that is also reflecting and discovering parts of your day that contain needless striving and struggle - some of those subjective "shoulds" and activities that stem from black and white thinking or catastrophizing - and reducing or eliminating them. This doesn't happen right away, but by simply bringing awareness to the fact that they no longer serve you and may even hurt you, you can begin to nudge yourself toward reframing these impulses and perhaps replacing them with something more fulfilling and beneficial.

In yoga philosophy, the idea of samskaras, described as mental impressions, can be helpful in understanding the kinds of behavior and thinking patterns you have now. A modern-day discovery that is somewhat similar is the neural pathway - the notion that the more often we engage in an action, thought or emotional pattern, the more ingrained it becomes, the more it becomes a habit. Likewise, in yoga, our actions (karmas), lead to tendencies (vasanas) which then after enough time are samskaras. These can be helpful for us at a given time (or not so much), and may remain so throughout life (like the habit of taking off your shoes when you enter a clean home). They can also be helpful at first but then harmful as we progress through life (like when you learn that if you speak up, you are ridiculed, so as you get older, you let your boss berate and overpower you at work).

Just as with the present-day concept of neuroplasticity, in yoga philosophy, these habits and ways of viewing and being in the world can be changed. But, it takes new actions that then accumulate into new tendencies and eventually new habits. It's often much easier to scaffold a new action by choosing something that is realistic, fits in with your general demeanor, interests or lifestyle and is in some way enjoyable. For mindful savoring, it helps even more if you can find something that is easy to be curious about, explore and be fascinated by.

“It takes courage to say yes to rest and play, in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.” ~ Brené Brown

Let's take this picture as a good example - Me, engaging in some high-level mindfulness (aka basking in the sun on a nice day). Feeling the warmth of the sun. Breathing deeply the smell of grass and that “I've been outside” scent on my skin. The sounds of the birds and the insects, the dogs barking in the distance, my daughter laughing at the other corner of the yard. Note, I have actually chosen to STOP reading - see book on table - and am literally just sitting there. The mindfulness part? Letting it be okay to just sit there and notice. Really observing all that's happening around me (from all 5 senses) and within me (noticing my thoughts, feelings, sensations, and not clinging to them, judging them or trying to understand). This only lasted for about 10 minutes.

The goal here is to set up the awareness and framework for you to incorporate at least one additional act of savoring (a quick win at first) in your daily life, to then build the infrastructure to make it easier to savor more often and perhaps one day be pleasantly present in the midst of a healthy challenge or non-traumatic discomfort. As you focus on making savoring things accessible, the negative (unnecessary striving) will hopefully seem less and less attractive and naturally ingrained.

Mindful Savoring in Nature

Savoring Nature Practice

If you could commit to noticing and maybe even basking in nature today, how would that look?

Spending some time with your house plants - looking with relaxed attention at their leaves. Breathing in their air. Connecting. Perhaps cherishing or tending them.

Could it look like going for a mindful walk or just sitting in your local park, gazing at the leaves on the trees or on the ground? Looking at nature unfold in your area, like tufts of grass breaking through cracks in the pavement or an expansive sky between the building tops.
If you have the chance, will it be going into your yard? Walking the perimeter, checking in with wild or not oft-visited corners to see how things have been getting on without any interference? Truly seeing the foliage beneath your feet. All the different types of things growing and living there. A world under your feet.
Maybe it is by savoring and tending your garden or greenhouse. Checking in with your compost. Or going to a nearby nature preserve or national park and really immersing yourself.
Plants aren’t the only part of nature. It could be enjoying and tuning in to all the interesting facets of a pet or wild creatures like birds, squirrels, lizards and insects outside or from a window.

I invite you to find even 5 minutes today to truly foster a connection with nature in whatever way suits you right now. It can look like any of the suggestions above or it can be totally different. There is no right way to notice nature. The only “rule” is to lean in to all your senses offer you from those moments. A bonus would be observing how that makes you feel internally. If savoring isn’t accessible yet, what about simply describing in your mind or out loud what you see, hear, smell, feel and maybe even taste? As always, if it becomes overwhelming, simply put that down and do something non-harmful and distracting.

What Next?
Self-Inquiry on Your Current & Ideal Daily Savoring

Maybe you've tried and heard all this before, and you're looking for something a little more in-depth. If that's the case, it can help to really reflect on the current space you have in your day for savoring and mindfulness. Once done, you can then spend some time envisioning what you would like your day to look like, in terms of being pleasantly present. For some help with that, here are a couple of worksheets I've designed. Try them out and let me know what you discover…

Demystifying Mindfulness