Founding Yoga Where U R Planted

This journey…well, it's always in the process of unfurling. What I can say is that the program that's emerging here at Yoga Where U R Planted closely mirrors my own transformation from feeling like a “hapless f@%#ed-up girl” to believing I am a “thriving, fulfilled and worthy human.”

The YWURP framework doesn't start with disassociation for nothing. Honestly, sometimes it has been hard to remember who I am. What I think. Other-based choice, people pleasing and being a chameleon once seemed like hard-wired survival skills, learned appeasement, that left me feeling like a shell of a person.

Chock trauma, complex trauma, relational trauma, religious trauma, generational trauma, restrictive eating...and binge eating...and purging...and body dysmorphia have all manifested in my life. Even when the obvious symptoms and acute crises have faded, the mentality has lingered. Sometimes, those with a history of complex trauma find new ways to deny our reality, to prevent the fruition of our true desires and goals. To stay stuck. Maybe even miserable. Or worse...totally numb.

Everyone is so much more than their credentials, as felt and lived experience can teach volumes, sometimes more than any course. However, knowing my qualifications could be reassuring or useful too:

In terms of training, I'm a 200-hr multi-style yoga teacher and long-time practitioner, currently working towards a certification as a Life Awareness (YogaLap) breathwork facilitator and a 3 Wisdom Traditions Health & Wellness Coach. I have supplemental training in the foundations of Trauma Center Trauma-Sensitive Yoga (TCTSY, 20 hours),Yin Yoga and Meditation (75 Hours), Restorative Yoga (35 hours), and have completed the initial Mindful Self-compassion training (8-week course). I've also taken several trainings on different applications of yoga therapy for the nervous system and to those with disordered eating or body image. I am currently pursing an advanced trauma-informed Yoga Therapy program (850 hours) for which I've completed all modules and am now conducting case studies. I’ve just begun a 300-hr TCTSY-F certification, and Eat, Breath, Thrive facilitator training and hope to further studying Yoga Philosophy in 2024. I also grew up and have worked in the medical and wellness industries as well as collaborate with health, wellness and coaching professionals on their online marketing and written materials.

On the higher education front, languages, linguistics and second language pedagogy have captivated me (BA and MA in French language, literature and linguistics, minor in Russian; M1 in English Studies; M2 in Sociolinguistics, language education and language policies; Level-Five TEFL/TESOL with additional concentrations). I've taught English and French from age four though the University system and beyond with professionals. Some research interests and projects have included representations of English Language varieties, English as a Lingua Franca, linguistic identity and auto-representations in multilingual contexts, discourse surrounding “terroir” in France, Russian Francophonie in the Imperial Era and transcription. A PhD is a long-term goal. In short, I am so crazy about language, it hurts.

As you can see, collecting knowledge has been my thing and has led me on a twisty, turny path. Yet, until I truly embraced yoga (in the full sense of the word, not just the postures), I had SO much trouble applying what I learned, feeling confident sharing my ideas, synthesizing them, playing with them, experimenting. I could play Beethoven, but I couldn't improvise a single note. Not even an ending cord. If I wanted to paint, I would take out all my supplies and then hang immobilized above the paper, feeling silly for each stroke, like it was terrible. When it came time to present research, I quaked in my boots. Do I REALLY KNOW this? Do I HAVE THE RIGHT to have a unique idea? Do I DESERVE to create? Are they judging me? I am so stupid, worthless, (insert self-deprecation). Thoughts and emotions flooded me; I overanalyzed and often felt paralyzed by shame, self-doubt and even fear. My personal life and relationships weren't spared. Self-sabotage was a regular part of my routine.

Often, I FELT nothing. I only learned. Acted on patterns, pre-set directions, AUTOPILOT, at times reenacting unhealthy ways of being I had picked up in childhood and all the while feeling completely unqualified to do anything, sometimes even utterly frozen, stuck in loops, regularly doing things I didn't even want to be that weren't in my best interest, as if I were watching from afar. Until I met yoga. Really saw it for the first time - and it wasn't when I was 14 and took my first hot yoga class, nor was it in my 20s after having a daughter and trying to “fix” my stomach in more hot studios, and it still wasn't as I sweated it out planted in front of YouTube, hoping my butt would lift and round out for a “bathing suit bod” from long power yoga sessions. It was in my 30s, smack dab in the middle of the first confinement after a mental breakdown and subsequent treatment for C-PTSD. As I sought refuge in yoga and began consulting with an Ayurvedic specialist, I became open to more styles of yoga, breathing and meditation. I caught glimmers of equanimity, in-the-moment contentment, mental clarity. Loving to study, I felt compelled to pursue yoga teacher training, but kept convincing myself it was silly or unnecessary or probably not REALLY helping me. The best birthday gift my mother ever got me: a 200-hr YTT. In training, I met...CHOICE and FEELING-BASED knowledge - thank you my first course instructor, Jagjeet, who stated:

Yoga, in the full sense of the word, which goes far beyond postures or asanas, has helped immensely with my symptoms of complex trauma, body dysmorphia and the residuals from an off-and-on restrictive eating disorder since 13. Getting into my body, feeling grounded and tethered, beginning to regulate my nervous system, having something that can promote the establishment of a system of meaning without it feeling like zealotry have been really crucial to being okay. I have seen massive improvements in all areas of my life- professionally, domestically, as a parent, as a partner. It's helped transform this hopeless and paralyzed, self-loathing academic into a confident, self-compassionate woman looking to grow a personal love and awe of yoga's benefits into an online platform that helps others in like scenarios.

The aim of YWURP is to discover how yogic and mindfulness tools can intertwine with evidence-based practices to metamorphose lives, using a framework adaptable to unique individuals, that encourages collaboration toward self-sustained wellness, all while providing community and support. Something so central to my progress toward an aligned and authentic life has been coming into my body and then reframing the language I use with myself. So, that is where YWURP begins. There is no timeframe, no deadline, no push, no right way, no correct beginning. The only concern is how this framework can help you in your journey toward whole-person health.